– Deixa que eu falo com ele sozinho, talquei? Só me ajuda se eu precisar.
– Hello?
– Hello, brother Trump. Jair here.
– Jar of what? I hope it’s beer.
– O que ele… ah, é brincadeira? Very funny, Trump. Hahahaha. Bolsonaro here, porra.
– I know. Great friend, tremendous job!
– Viu, porra? Isso é que é amigo… Tank you, Trump. I love you two.
– What can I do for you?
– I call because need help here.
– Really? I’ll do whatever it takes to help the tremendous Brazilian people.
– Good. I need – como fala apoio mesmo? Ah, é – support.
– What kind of support?
– Kind é bom, né? Aqui não? Ah, entendi… Trump, I need you say things goods about me.
– I’ve just said. Great friend, tremendous job.
– Yes, yes. But say for the hole word, please.
– You mean the press?
– Ele tá com pressa? Ah… Yes, say for press.
– Man, I can’t help you with that.
– Ele falou que pode, né? Não? Why no, Trump?
– Because Brazil is a terrible example to America and the world. You must change the way you’re dealing with this crisis.
– O que ele disse? Não entendi porra nenhuma… ah… Trump, I change. Bigs changes.
– Really? What have you done?
– I have new minister.
– Another one?
– No, same general. But now I put in the Daily Official and he is minister temporary of true.
– Not good enough. There are so many people dying every day in Brazil.
– Entendi, ele falou das mortes… But die is destiny of the people. So what?
– I know. But you can’t say that anymore. You must at least pretend you care about them.
– Ah, I pretend. I pretend to change time of the divulgation of bad news, Trump. That little presentator of that little TV will not fuck me every night. They will have no fake news to count (porra, meu inglês tá bom pra caralho!).
– Again, not enough. And I’m facing big problems now with the riots.
– With who?
– Well, WHO is also a big problem. I’m pulling out. You should join me.
– Join you? I join you forever. Tank you.
– Bolsonaro, you really are a good friend.
– Yes. Good friend. Now you say things goods about me for press?
– Well, maybe you should call me next month, ok?
– Talquei, Trump. I call. Bye.
– Bye, Javier.
– Jair.
– Jar of what? Hahahaha!
– Hahaha! Não falei, porra? Esse cara me ama!